Chapter Text
It was sudden, out of nowhere in the dead of night, and it sent Teruki's heartbeat through the roof.
<3*~Ricchan~*<3
please help me please i need help
The text was obviously written in a hurry, without Ritsu's typical attention to grammar and punctuation. The lack of context left Teru in a panic; what could be happening? Is he in trouble?
Me
I'm coming over. What's wrong? Are you hurt?
After sending the text, he leaped out of bed and ran straight for the fromt door, only bothering to slip on some shoes before he was out of the apartment and running through the halls and down the stairs. His phone buzzed in his hand, and he didn't even slow down to look at the message.
<3*~Ricchan~*<3
i can't do this i can't calm down nothing feels real im alone please help me
Teruki's heart sank as the situation became clear; Ritsu was having a panic attack and was unable to come down from it himself.
Ritsu had fallen into a depressive episode several days ago, something that typically happened once or twice a year, but Ritsu had been insistent that he would be fine and didn't need to be watched over. He hated accepting help from others when he was unwell, but Shigeo and Teruki still made sure to spend extra time at his side, providing more physical contact than usual in order to remind him that he wasn't alone, that despite the chaos erupting in his mind, he was safe and loved.
Teruki had been spending every night with Ritsu, cuddled up together in the younger's bed, warm and secure, and Ritsu had been able to sleep soundly. After a few days, he had claimed to be feeling a bit better, and told Teruki that he wouldn't need to stay the night another time. Teruki wanted to argue, but didn't want to make his anxiety any worse, and Shigeo had assured him he would watch over his little brother. Still, he hadn't felt right, leaving Ritsu when his mental state was still so fragile.
It looked like his suspicions were, unfortunately, correct. Ritsu was pushing himself to heal too fast, but he couldn't handle it. Not on his own, at least.
Teruki rounded another corner, and the Kageyama household came into view. He whipped out his phone and typed a quick message.
Me
I see your house now, just hold on. I'm almost there.
He took a deep breath and dashed towards the house, mentally preparing himself for what kind of state his boyfriend might be in. If he was going to do this, he had to calm himself down as well; he had to be the pillar that Ritsu needed him to be, and he was more than willing to do so.
When he reached the fromt gate, he didn't even bother opening the fromt gate as he leaped over the fence, using telekinesis to propel himself up to the second floor, landing firmly on Ritsu's balcony. The curtains were closed - Ritsu's anxiety was made worse when he looked out into the world during an attack - so he gently knocked on the glass to get his attention.
Immediately, the curtains were thrown back, and there he was.
Ritsu's face was somehow flushed and pale at the same time, and his limbs were shaking as he struggled to stay standing. His eyes were blown wide open and his eyes were glazed over, unfocused, full of tears that continued to rush down his red cheeks like rivers. His lips were quivering, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe, and Teruki wanted nothing more in that moment than to hold him tight in his arms and never, ever let go.
Ritsu fumbled with the lock on the sliding door before finally throwing it open, practically falling into Teruki's arms with a heavy sob. Teruki braced himself and kept them both standing, arms wrapping around his boyfriend securely. "It's okay, it's okay now, I'm right here with you," he said firmly, fighting off the doubts floating around in Ritsu's mind. "Come on, it's too cold outside. Let's sit on the bed where it's comfortable, okay? We can cuddle for as long as you want," he reassured, and Ritsu nodded shakily, clutching tight to Teru's pajama shirt.
One step at a time, Teru led the shaking boy back inside, using his powers to softly shut and lock the glass door behind behind them and drawing the curtains closed once again. Ritsu stumbled a bit on his weak legs, but Teru never let him fall, working a steady pace until they reached the bed and Ritsu could be lowered gently onto it. Teru never once let go, shifting along to Ritsu's side as they slid into place onto the bed and against the back wall. Ritsu buried his face into the crook of Teru's neck, his entire body shaking with gasps and sobs.
Teru held Ritsu against him, rubbing his back soothingly. "It's okay, I'm here. You don't have to be scared anymore," he said softly, pressing his lips to the top of Ritsu's head. "You can breathe easily now, just follow my lead," he guided Ritsu's head closer to his chest, where he could hear his heartbeat and feel the rhythm of his breathing. "Just try and breathe along with me, okay?"
He felt Ritsu nod, and his breath coming in hiccups as he tried to calm himself down enough to take deeper, longer breaths. Teruki gave him all the time he needed, offering gentle reassurances and encouragement to help him along. Ritsu pressed into him, drawn to the familiar and comforting warmth.
After a few minutes, Ritsu's breathing had steadied to a healthier level, but Teru knew better than to think the fight was over. Ritsu needed him here now; no matter how much Ritsu insisted that he was fine, Teru knew better after tonight.
"Feeling better?" he asked, and Ritsu nodded again, more firmly this time, though his hands were still slightly shaking. "Do you need anything? A glass of water?" Teru tried to offer, but Ritsu clung tight to him, not wanting his support to leave him alone for even a moment. "Okay. Do you want to lay down now?" he asked instead, and after a few seconds of consideration, Ritsu agreed.
Teru used his powers to move the covers back, allowing Ritsu to lay down and find a comfortable position before he settled next to him, curling protectively around his shivering body before laying the covers over the both of them. Teru was on the side closest to the window; he knew Ritsu felt safest like this, between his boyfriend and the wall. "Is this good?" Teru asked, and Ritsu nodded. He seemed much calmer now, and his eyes were beginning to droop as exhaustion set in.
Teruki smiled warmly, running his fingers through Ritsu's unruly black hair. Neither of them said another word, because there was nothing more that needed to be said. If Ritsu wanted to talk, he would - there was no need for Teruki to pressure him into anything he couldn't handle.
After about twenty minutes passed like this, however, Ritsu finally spoke. "Sorry," he muttered, voice hoarse from crying, "I'm sorry you had to run all the way out here just for me. I thought I would be okay on my own," he sounded defeated, empty, hopeless, and it was nearly enough to bring Teru to tears. Ritsu had been trying so, so hard to hold on, but every single day was like hell for him, every day he was assaulted by his own mind, every day he wondered if it was even worth it to keep fighting, and Teru knew he was so tired of it all and he didn't deserve any of that suffering.
"Don't apologize, you know I love every moment I spend with you," he said sincerely, though Ritsu still threw him a tired pout in response to the cheesy line. "Ritsu, you can't expect yourself to heal so quickly. Rushing yourself will only make things worse. I know you're tired, but you have to give it time."
Ritsu closed his eyes, nuzzling into Teru. "I'm scared," he whispered, just barely audible even in the quiet of the night. "What if I never get better? What if nothing works? What if I have to deal with this for the rest of my life?" he pressed further and further into Teru's body, voice becoming weaker as he continued.
Teru took Ritsu's face in his hands, bringing their faces close together. "You will get better, I know you will. It's not going to be easy, but you're so, so strong Ritsu, and you're not alone! Your family is here for you, Shou is here for you, I'm here for you! You don't have to shoulder this alone," he said, pouring his emotions into every word. "Shigeo said he would watch over you. Why isn't he here?"
Ritsu looked away. "Because... I didn't tell him."
"Exactly. If you keep it all on yourself, we won't know how to help you! You're never a burden, Ritsu, just tell us what you need and we'll do everything in our power to support you."
Ritsu looked back at him and smiled, though a few tears fell from his eyes; Teru wiped them with his thumb and planted a soft kiss to his forehead. "I... I'll try. I'm still scared, but I'll try to hold on."
Teru shifted to hold Ritsu more fully, more comfortably, and he giggled as Ritsu sighed and tickled the skin on his neck. "I love you so much, Ritsu."
Though Teru couldn't see his face, he could feel Ritsu's lips curve into a smile against his skin. "I love you too, Teruki."
That night, they both slept peacefully, wrapped securely in each other's arms, fighting Ritsu's demons hand-in-hand. They would keep fighting for as long as it took for Ritsu to live his life happily.