Chapter Text
They hadn’t been sleeping so much as... quietly lying next to each other for several hours. Ritsu, it seemed, just wasn’t willing to fall asleep, for whatever reason. That was fine with Momozou, since it turned out he was far too anxious to fall asleep himself. He could practically feel the nightmares lapping at the edges of his consciousness, just waiting for the chance to drown out everything else and leave him stranded.
Not to mention the fact that Ritsu’s usual cool violet aura was practically nonexistent, and though he still knew precious little about the technicalities of psychic powers, he felt that was some kind of cause for concern. Maybe. It would be a little much to lay a hand on his chest just to feel his heart beating, right? Maybe he could get away with just holding his hand... ah, if only Ritsu weren’t so naturally cold, he could be comforted by the heat of his body alone.
He wasn’t exactly sure why he needed comforted. Everything was strangely quiet, such a stark contrast to his earlier escapade through the city. If he tried to wrap his head around what had happened to him as he’d tracked Ritsu down, his anxiety only worsened, everything became brighter, his vision grew blurry... it wasn’t a fun time. He’d revisit that little incident another time, maybe.
At some point, he’d realized Ritsu’s barrier wasn’t up, his thoughts were just mostly white noise. Again, a little concerning, but at least he wasn’t drowning in anxiety alongside Momozou.
Except... he was getting progressively uncomfortable lying stiff as a board in Ritsu’s bed without saying anything to the guy for like three hours. Also Ritsu kept it really cold in his room and he kind of wanted to ask for an extra blanket.
”H-hey, Ritsu... you still awake?” he asked softly, just barely above a whisper. He already knew the answer of course, but he didn’t want to force him into conversation if he wasn’t feeling up to it.
The space between them was still for another minute before Ritsu responded. “...So it’s Ritsu now?”
Momozou blinked slowly, trying to understand what the boy was getting at. It dawned on him that Ritsu had never actually given him permission to use his first name, he had just assumed... “Oh. Sorry. Do you... not like that?”
”That’s not what I mean. I was just surprised,” Ritsu said. “I don’t mind. Actually... could I call you Momozou?”
Hearing Ritsu say his first name made his heart flutter, a hint of heat rising to his cheeks. “S-sure! Yeah, that’s- cool,” he chuckled nervously, thankful that the darkness of night was hiding his blush.
Ritsu didn’t react at all. Even as Momozou was watching him, he made no indication that he was going to turn his way, or even so much as look at him. It seemed like he was just staring up at the ceiling, or perhaps somewhere beyond that. It was a vacancy that Momozou had never seen in Ritsu’s eyes before.
”Are you okay?” he asked sincerely, rolling onto his side to directly face Ritsu. “You’ve been awake this whole time. Not tired?”
”I... don’t know,” Ritsu said slowly. “I’m not sure what I feel right now. It’s strange, like... I’m not really here. Just- floating, somewhere. I don’t feel like... me,” to his surprise, Ritsu actually turned to face him as well. His eyes were unfocused, his skin pale - he definitely looked like he could use some sleep. “That guy... said that I could die. From- Awakening. Is that what this is? Is that why I feel this way?”
Ritsu was lost. Momozou could see it, could hear it in the broken tone of his voice, feel the water lapping at his heels. He was drifting away, lost at sea, color draining out and diluted in the water, gone. His eyes were steel gray, a cloudy sky, not a hint of sunlight to be found.
It hurt Momozou’s heart so terribly - he couldn’t let his friend disappear.
Before he could think about it, Momozou wrapped his arms around Ritsu and brought him just a bit closer, not wanting to smother him, just hold him there, keep him from sinking and further. His skin was cold to the touch, but he was relieved to find a trace of warmth beneath the surface, proof of life.
Ritsu didn’t even protest, letting himself be pulled in, closer to the shore. He tensed slightly under Momozou’s touch, but gradually began to relax into the embrace. Momozou wanted to hold him closer, to run his fingers through his dark hair, but the last thing he wanted was to overstep boundaries and make Ritsu uncomfortable.
”That’s not going to happen. That was just- he was just some random kid! You’ve never met him before, right?” he asked Ritsu, who shook his head. “So he doesn’t know you, either. Probably just some neighborhood kid playing a prank on us or something.”
”I don’t know... I think he was an esper, at least,” Ritsu mumbled, muffled in a pillow. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why- I don’t really understand what I did wrong. They were bullies. Bad people. If I didn’t do something about them, who would? If I hadn’t stepped in that day we met, would those guys have just given up and left you alone?”
Momozou stiffened, expression grim. He could actually understand where Ritsu was coming from, but he knew such an outlook wasn’t healthy; he just didn’t know how to convey that to Ritsu without making him feel worse about himself. “It’s not that bullies don’t deserve to be punished for hurting people - believe me, I’m with you on that - but the fact is it... wasn’t a fair fight. People without psychic powers have no chance against someone that does. It wasn’t the fact that they were bullies, but the fact that you fought them knowing they couldn’t fight back.”
Ritsu pulled away from him, eyebrows pulled together in defensive anger, the most emotion he had expressed for hours. “But that’s exactly what they did! Assholes intentionally go after people that are weak, that have no friends, people they know can’t fight back! Those three guys went after you because they knew you wouldn’t risk getting in a fight. People walk all over my brother all the time because they know he’s too nice to say no. I’m sick of seeing it over and over, I’m sick of these kids getting away with it while their victims continue to suffer! If I can do something about it... how can I just sit back and choose not to?”
”I... I had no idea you felt this way,” Momozou muttered, staring deep into Ritsu’s swirling eyes. A turmoil of hatred and sorrow stared back at him, so obvious that he couldn’t imagine having overlooked it before. Ritsu had been hurting long before they had met, and Momozou had never even noticed... “I’m sorry, Ritsu. But... this isn’t about bullies anymore. This is about you. Did beating up those guys in that alley make you feel any better?”
Ritsu sucked in a sharp breath, indignant flush distilling into a splotchy pale complexion. What Momozou said had gotten through to him, and it was obvious from his pained expression that it hurt. “I saw what you looked like. Frankly, I almost didn’t recognize you.”
”W-what?”
”It’s hard to describe... you looked kind of fuzzy, like blurred around the edges. And your aura was all over the place and flashing with bright colors. The purple was almost black. It didn’t look like you. Didn’t feel like you, either.”
Ritsu sank down into the bed, completely devastated by Momozou’s description. “That sounds scary,” he whispered in a wavering voice, gripping the sheets so hard that his hands were trembling. His barrier was still down, but Momozou could hear no words, only feelings; a deep pit of despair, a hollow in his lungs, quicksand clinging to his legs, pulling him beneath the ocean’s surface, deeper and deeper.
Instinctively, Momozou closed the distance between them, holding Ritsu close against him, wrapping his arms securely around him, burying his face into the crook of his neck. “You’re not scary. I was scared for you! I didn’t know what was happening, or if I could even do anything to help, and- and I shouldn’t have said those things, I was just confused and upset, I- I just didn’t want to lose you.”
Momozou...? he heard whispered in Ritsu’s mind, felt the rapid beating of his heart, and Momozou’s own chest was so full of an emotion he’d never felt before, something he couldn’t put a name to in the moment other than a deep fondness, a longing to be closer, to hold Ritsu in his arms and never let go.
For a while, he was afraid he had further upset Ritsu, or even made him cry, but eventually Ritsu relaxed in his embrace with a long sigh. Tension bled out from him, the black sludge infecting his aura pulled back, just a bit more, and that beautiful amethyst sheen returned, sunlight reflecting off of calm waters. Momozou was so relieved he could have cried himself.
Except then Ritsu actually hugged him back; his arms rested gently on top of Momozou’s, and ever so slightly, he pulled him closer, keeping them together. His head rested snugly beneath Momozou’s chin.
”I’m sorry for making you worry about me,” Ritsu said softly, “I... I didn’t know you... cared for me so much.”
Momozou was sure that his entire face was beet red at that point. “Y-yeah, I mean- yeah, I... um. I do. C-care about you. A lot. So... don’t do stuff like that anymore, okay?”
Ritsu chuckled, and Momozou was on the verge of melting into a puddle right then and there. “Okay. I promise. Or I’ll try, at least,” he said. “And... and...” he trailed off, and before Momozou could ask what he was trying to say, Ritsu finished in his mind, I really like you. A lot.
Momozou’s eyes were blown wide open at the revelation; Ritsu said nothing more, silently anticipating his response. He was genuinely shocked to hear Ritsu say such a thing, telepathically or otherwise. He never could have imagined that Ritsu actually... felt the same way.
He actually teared up this time, though he staunchly refused to let even a single tear fall, in case Ritsu would notice he was crying. Well, I guess I’m in luck then, because I really like you, too. You big dork.
Ritsu pulled back just enough to look up at him, and Momozou’s breath hitched at the sight of his face, blushing and embarrassed and happy all at once. “Y-you’re the dork...” Ritsu grumbled half-heartedly. Momozou laughed, which only caused Ritsu to blush even more, once again hiding his face in Momozou’s shirt.
It was such a stark contrast to how Ritsu was behaving even an hour earlier that he couldn’t fully believe what was happening. Ritsu had seemed so depressed, almost hopeless, and he was sure those feelings wouldn’t leave him easily, but it was a start, at least. Now that he knew even a little more about what Ritsu was going through, maybe this time he could prevent what happened earlier from ever happening again. He was no therapist - he wasn’t sure Ritsu even wanted a therapist - but he would try his best to make Ritsu happy. No matter what challenges they faced together.
As he finally, mercifully, drifted off to sleep, Ritsu curled up securely in his arms, he had totally forgotten his earlier anxieties. He was able to sleep better that night than he had in years.
Ritsu was in a good mood that morning. It still didn’t mean he was feeling up to talking any more about his emotions. No, he’d had just about enough of emotions. He’d like to return those, if possible.
Except he was stuck in his room with four other people. Well, three if he didn’t count an evil spirit as a person.
Shigeo and Hanazawa seemed anxious to talk about something, but so far nobody had said a word, and it was starting to get on his nerves. “What is it? I’m not in the mood for this,” he said bluntly, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall. “Either spit it out or leave.”
”Ritsu...” Shigeo faltered at the tone of his voice, but didn’t seem intent on leaving. He looked over at Hanazawa, who nodded firmly. “We just... want to make sure you’re okay.”
”I told you already, I’m fine,” he nearly whined, frustration bubbling in his chest. His patience was wearing dangerously thin.
”We can’t be sure of that, little brother,” Hanazawa jumped in, looking down on him like a stern parent, chastising his childish behavior. All that succeeded in was making him want to punch Hanazawa in his smug little face. “There’s something you need to know about psychic powers - something called Awakening.”
Both Ritsu and Momozou perked up at the phrase. “Awakening again? You guys mentioned that before. You and...” he trailed off, likely choosing not to mention the strange kid that confronted them in the warehouse. “So, what is it? Why is it dangerous?”
”It’s something that happens to espers that let their powers get out of hand,” Dimple explained grimly. “Nobody really knows why it happens, or how, but if it happens to you, it’s pretty much a death sentence. You completely lose yourself and go on a rampage. Scary shit.”
”We were afraid... that might happen,” Shigeo finished. “I-it didn’t though! So... you’re okay now!”
”I don’t know... how can we tell for sure that he’s safe? Damn, there’s got to be some kind of- research, studies, someone has to have looked into this further! I wonder if...” Hanazawa hummed, shaking his head. “Regardless, you’ve got to be careful from now on, got it? Use your powers responsibly!”
”You’re one to talk,” Ritsu grumbled under his breath.
”He’ll be fine,” Momozou said affirmatively, resting a hand on his shoulder. The corners of Ritsu’s lips twitched, too stubborn to smile but finding it very hard to resist.
”I... I wouldn’t let that happen again,” Shigeo said softly, lowering his head.
”What? Niisan, it’s not your fault,” Ritsu sighed, pushing himself off the wall to approach his brother. “I will be okay. Please try not to worry about me, okay? And don’t blame yourself anymore.”
”B-but...” Shigeo began to protest, but Ritsu wouldn’t hear it.
”Now go on and get out of my room, everyone,” he announced, motioning the group toward the door. Before Momozou could leave, he grabbed him by the sleeve, holding him back. “Except Momozou,” he said quietly, and Momozou grinned at him as the door closed, leaving them alone once more.
”Ooh, he wanted telepathy kid to stay in his room!” Hanazawa cooed, elbowing him lightly in the side. “Hey Kageyama, are they dating? Do you know?”
Shigeo blushed, strongly shaking his head. “No! I mean, I don’t know! I don’t think Ritsu is interested in dating. He always turns down girls’ confessions at school...”
”Uh, yeah, because he’s- nevermind- hey, you!” Hanazawa shouted at Dimple, who had been floating a safe distance away from them the whole time. “Don’t go anywhere, I need you for something. I’ve got an idea...”
”An idea? What is it, Hanazawa?”
”I was thinking... this definitely has to be a well-known phenomenon for people familiar with the paranormal,” he began, crossing the hall into Shigeo’s bedroom, leaning against his dresser as he thought up his plan. “There has to be some kind of research out there, something that could give us more information on what Awakening really is. If we could do a bit of digging, find some good places to investigate, we could find some useful clues, don’t you think?”
”Is that safe? Maybe you should just give up on this and keep your distance,” Dimple said doubtfully.
”If we don’t understand Awakening, we won’t know how to actually prevent it from happening again. Understanding is key.”
”Where would we even start?” Shigeo asked, overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to track down such secretive knowledge. “You guys are the only espers I know... I’ve never met anyone else that knew a whole lot about supernatural stuff.”
”Oh, you don’t have to worry about that!” Hanazawa declared, standing tall and smiling confidently. “I’ll be the one looking into possible leads. Dimple is going to help me-“ he turned an icy glare on the spirit, who flinched back, “by gathering intel from other spirits and tracking down any sources of energy he finds. You got that, Dimple?”
”Y-yeah, sure, whatever,” Dimple replied, flickering uneasily.
”O-okay... and what do we do if you find something?”
”We go and check it out, of course!”
Shigeo’s jaw dropped, disbelief flooding his system. “What? How would we do that? What if it’s too far away, we- we have school, and- wouldn’t that be trespassing?”
Hanazawa let out a loud sigh. “Kageyama, you really do worry too much. Just trust me, okay? Besides, it will probably be a while until we get our first lead. Just relax and let me handle things!”
Shigeo still didn’t know how to feel about Hanazawa’s proposal, but he sure sounded like he knew what he was doing. Either way, he’d feel better with Hanazawa taking the lead than trying to think of something on his own. “Okay... I’ll trust you.”
Hanazawa’s smile softened to something friendlier, and the sight made Shigeo feel more at ease. It was good to see how Hanazawa had changed since they had met; he truly did trust the boy had been working to improve himself, and if Hanazawa said he knew what to do, Shigeo would believe him.
All he had to do was wait.
He had another strange dream that night.
He saw his reflection, and it was normal. The face he was so used to seeing reflected back at him every day. His face was recognizable.
The scenery behind him, however, wasn’t.
Many images cycled before him, most of which were dark, dreary, likely abandoned. A forest, a school, a hospital, an old manor - unfamiliar places, places that made no sense to him. Why was he seeing these things? What did it mean?
He turned around, but saw only the bathroom. Turning back, he was not greeted with his own image anymore.
There was something else in his place. Something blurred along the edges, an error in existence, a faceless being. He had never been so terrified in his life; he couldn’t move, couldn’t so much as scream, silent tears pouring down his face.
When he woke up in the morning, it was still there. He could see it every time he closed his eyes. The image was burned into his eyes.