Archive of Our Own

Graduation day

Under the infamous cherry blossom, Yaku got dragged by Kuroo to the top of the hill as soft petals gently dropped on his golden hair. He gulped down hard, taking one petal off his head and scratching it until it tore apart. He eyed Kuroo smirking at him at the bottom of the hill as he gave him a thumbs up and a you-can-do-it-yaku!

He rolled his eyes, trying to look as composed as possible. His heart fluttered as footsteps drew closer to him. Subconsciously, he tip-toed up and down, anticipating the only person he wanted to be seen with under a cherry tree.

“Y.yaku san!” The libero clutched his shirt as he turned around, trying his hardest to not smile.

“You-. You better make this. q..quick.” He was hopeless. Stuttering in front of a kouhai was not on his yearly bingo card. Lev nodded enthusiastically, taking out a letter from a pocket of his school coat and handed it over with the both of his hands. Yaku hesitated for a moment, but he noticed how his kouhai was shaking. He avoided eye contact as he snatched the letter, caressing it and waiting for Lev to speak up.

“In case I don’t end up saying everything I mean to say, I wrote it too. Please read it,” a chill crept up on Yaku’s spine. He had never seen Lev this serious. He just nodded and told the middle blocker to hurry up.

And he did.

“I like you, Yaku-san. I think- I might even love you. You might not think it’s a big deal, but I love how you always take care of me, made sure I was consistent with my routines, helped me with my homework, and it’s not just what you do for me. I like how you know how to make sure everyone’s relaxed when we’re on the losing side during a game, I like how I’m able to trust you on the fact that the volleyball will never drop, I like how…motivating you are. Oh, and you’re really cute.”

Yaku stopped listening halfway because his ears were heating up, and it was not functioning properly. He wanted to give his answer already, tell Lev to shut up by kissing him fair and square on the mouth, but his ego enjoyed listening to it. What an opportunity cost.

He was going to accept Lev. Everyone knew that. Even the girls in his class because Kuroo snitched on him. At some point, even his literature teacher knew because there was a ‘certain someone that has caught the eye of one of my best students, so much that he could not stop writing about them’.

He just wished Lev started rapping. Did he study all this?

He was going to accept it, kiss him, give him his second button and maybe finally get to know what it feels like to hug a 6’4” guy, but it just can’t be any guy because he likes Lev, and everyone knows that he likes Lev…except for the guy himself.

“…and I’m not expecting you to give me an answer right now, but-”

Hold on.

What?

Why can’t he give an answer right now? Is it illegal? Is he not supposed to give a direct answer? Does that ruin the depiction of Yaku he had?

Many thoughts rushed into his head, and he could no longer think after Lev was done with his speech. There was just one thing he needed to say back, but he couldn’t. What if that’s not how Lev saw him? Does that make him desperate? That’s not…

“…I’ll think about it.”

He could see Kuroo face palming from the bottom of the hill. The slap was loud enough for Yaku to feel the sting.

Still, Lev smiled at him, and he felt a little relieved.

“Okay, when?”

“3 months.” He blurted it out. 3 months was too long for him.

“3…months…? Well, I’m fine with that! And...” Lev looked at him all flustered and his hair curling in all directions. It was so attractive to Yaku, he wanted to run through it badly.

“…Thanks for considering me, Yaku-san.” He gave Yaku a gentle smile, and the libero had thought his heart was going to stop pumping right then and there. He wanted to hold him, but the latter walked away. Why did he walk away? He still had his second button attached to his shirt.

Why did he walk away? Was Yaku done with him? No, he wasn’t. Why did he say that? Why would he ever-

Present. 5 years later.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Bee-

“Oh…MY GOD!” Yaku slams his fists onto the wall, banging on it. “Hey, Bokuto? Can you please for the love of God lower down your morning ringtone?” and that’s when Yaku realizes that Bokuto Koutaro is still asleep, and he’s the one who got woken up by it instead. He swears under his breath, but gets ready for the day anyway. He does his usual routine, looking at himself in the mirror knowing he’s got no one to blame but himself for agreeing to room with some members of the Japan national team right after their season is over.

He planned on visiting his brothers, so he picks his phone up to text them a heads up, only to get bombarded with a phone call from Kuroo Tetsuro. He could already feel a deep frown crawling up to his face, but he accepts anyway. It’s been a year since they’ve seen each other.

“…Hello?”

“Yo! Yakkun, I knew you would pick up!”

He’s ready to hang up, his thumb wavering above the button.

“What do you want? Having your Bokuto thing here with me is already exhausting.”

“Woah now, it’s not my Bokuto anymore. You know that, Kenma accepted my confession 5 years ago! …which…”

“…what?”

“…which is something you couldn’t do”

Yaku’s nerves are at its limit.

“I’m hanging up.”

“WAIT WAIT! PLEASE, that’s a joke. Okay, though I still can’t believe what happened. ANYWAY, I’m hosting a Nekoma VBC reunion with like so many other people who aren’t a part of the Nekoma VBC, but please come, hm?”

Yaku thinks for a while, but he’s just pretending to think. He always rejects any outgoings that has a possibility of Lev showing up.

“Nah”

“YAKKUN PLEASE!”

“I’m busy, Kuroo.”

“Your season’s over, I know that much Yaku. I know the entire team!”

Yaku lets out a very audibly distressed sigh.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“You know that much yourself.”

“…”

He could hear Kuroo sigh from the other side, and Kenma asking him what’s wrong with the enthusiasm of a Greek statue.

“Look, Yakkun. As much as I would like to not care about my stupid friend and his stupid kouhai, I do. And it’s hindering our chances to connect together, can’t you two just make up? Apologizing isn’t that hard.”

Yaku rolls his eyes, and he feels that Kuroo could feel it.

“Kuroo. You know what happened the last time we met.”

“3 years ago?”

“Mhm.”

Kuroo goes quiet for a while, possibly recalling the past events.

“Oh, come on now, Yaku! Anyone would be awkward around a senpai they confessed to and never got a reply back to! You literally ghosted him one month after graduation, sheesh.”

Yaku shivers at the memory. He wants to say he doesn’t know why he did it, but he does.

“Still! Do you even know how I felt when he’s so giddy around everyone else and then he looks at me like he’s seeing a dead body? Hell no, Kuroo.”

Kuroo could be heard whispering something to Kenma. Yaku bites his lips anxiously, hoping he can convince him and make sure nobody breaks into his house.

“…What about this, Yakkun? This is the last time I’ll let you guys come to a gathering together. No more after this.”

Kuroo’s tone suddenly gets serious, even solemn.

“You’re sure about that?”

“I promise.”

Yaku doesn’t like how anxiety is starting to creep up on his legs, but he says the thing anyway:

“Fine. I’ll come. Text me the details.”

                                                                                                        ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

He regrets it already. This entire ‘gathering’ that’s just disguised as a pathway to his doom. Thankfully, he hasn’t spotted any gray hairs with striking green eyes and are 6’5” tall, so he’s safe. He passes everyone with a welcoming smile, greeting some people he can actually stand such as Komori (Nekoma VBC gathering, he says), Kenma, Fukunaga and Akaashi.

He finally sees Kuroo hanging out flyers for his company with Bokuto trailing behind him, giving people their drinks. Kuroo’s eyes meet his, and Yaku visibly shivers in disgust. “Yo, Yakkun, you actually showed up!” He eyes to a table near the corner, “you can go sit there. It’s Nekoma exclusive,” and he winks at him. Yaku will never understand how he managed to woo Kenma.

He sits at a seat most far away from everyone in the room. He’s never been this anti-social, but he doesn’t want to face it. He doesn’t want to meet the guy he eventually has to meet and make an awkward conversation with. Eventually, Kai comes up to him, and they start talking about younger siblings, current updates in their careers until Kai ends up gushing about his fiancé instead.

“Oh, shut up, Kai. We all knew you guys were going to last the moment you guys started dating. You’re surprising nobody.”

Kai laughs at him, throwing his head to the back.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

Yaku sarcastically grins back at him.

“Take it as whatever you wan-”

And he stops. He stops because he accidentally makes eye contact with the only person he doesn’t want to make eye contact with. To be fair, it’s his fault for scanning the entrance every chance he gets, but it’s not fair. It’s not fair because Lev Haiba came into the room with his hair slicked back so perfectly with his dark suit that fits just perfectly with his toned body and oh my god, his smile is still so cute as ever, and Yaku just loves it when it shows his dimples. Well, that was before. Right now, the smile is replaced with a straight line, and his soft gaze is now running to places trying to look at everything at once, and his hands are suddenly fidgeting, and this is all because he made eye contact with Yaku. And Yaku’s still wondering if he should just leave.

Of course, Kuroo points to the direction Yaku and Kai are sitting at, and whispers to him something that went ‘you can go sit over there’ as he pats on his back. Yaku can already see Lev’s face shifting to an uncomfortable expression. He says something back to Kuroo, but Kuroo shoos him off.

To nobody’s surprise, Lev does not come to the seat. Instead, he walks around with a drink in his hand, grinning widely at everyone who comes his way. Aged like fine wine, Yaku mutters to himself. “Aged like what now?” He flinches to the sound of Kai beside him, glancing in the same direction he is. “Wh- what the hell? When did you get back here?” Heat rises to his neck as Kai just smirks at him. “I was always here. Did you forget that we were having a conversation before your eyes drifted away to someone else?” Yaku nudges him by the elbow, desperately wanting to hide under the covers of their table.

Kill me already.

“Woah, didn’t know you were suicidal Yakkun.”

“Kai, please stop eavesdropping on my prayers. Why are we even this close??”

He pushes Kai away, almost causing the other guy to fall out of his chair backwards.

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He hates Kuroo. Well, he’s always hated Kuroo, but now he despises him. Yaku glares at Kuroo with his piercing brown eyes to which Kuroo winks back at and Kenma looks with an understanding expression. He eyes Kai, communicating telepathically with him to which Kai replies with something that probably went ‘deal with it yourself, LOL’. Including the LOL.

So now, he just leans onto his seat and is trying to melt away as Lev talks about Alisa with Yuuki while sitting beside Yaku. He’s grateful that it isn’t directly across, at least. He smiles at a joke Inouka cracked, and Yaku could feel himself heating up because damn those dimples are so cute, I wish I could just cup his face and kiss all over it, but he can’t because now Lev Haiba is awkwardly turning to him as he holds a wine bottle in his hand. “…Would you like me to pour wine into y-”

“Yeah.”

The table goes silent. It’s not that Yaku said anything offensive, rather that everyone knows about what happened between them. Kenma looks at him with his forehead creased, whispering something to Kuroo. Kai gives him a reassuring smile, and Yuuki looks at Lev all sad, and even Yamamoto’s quiet.

“Alright, is that enough?”

Yaku nods, avoiding eye contact, but there’s really no need to do that because Lev’s also avoiding eye contact anyway. In some way, they do match. The silence is ended when Fukunaga starts to talk about his new pet crocodile and how he named it ‘Tora’. The table is full of laughter, sometimes either Kuroo or Kai banging on the table accidentally as they crack up, but Yaku couldn’t bring himself to do the same. What’s more awkward is how Lev isn’t laughing either. He smiles frequently, talking quietly with Yuuki and Inuoka which only lasts for 4 minutes each conversation. Kenma notices how asphyxiated Yaku was feeling as he pulls Kuroo’s ear close to him, saying something to which Kuroo nods back. The moment Kuroo opens his mouth is when Kenma realizes that he wasn’t very clear with what he demanded.

“Soo, Yakkun, what’s up with your life?”

Yaku, who has been drowning himself in wine and small chuckles from Lev, suddenly straightens his back at Kuroo’s voice.

“…Good? People on the national team are either idiotic and loud or idiotic and quiet, and for some reason, rude.” His face scrunches up at the thought of MSBY, and it seems everyone else knows what he’s talking about as they all begin laughing, expressing their annoyance with each of the members. “There are great people too though, like Aran and Komori. I admire some of them, they push me to be better.” Yaku steals glances at Lev and notices his eye twitch. Didn’t like that? Okay, maybe volleyball’s too boring then.

As Yaku changes to a different topic about his family, Kuroo interrupts with the question that finally lead to his anticipated doom since he entered the party. “You admire some of them, hmm? You know, Yakkun, you haven’t really told us anything about your love life lately. Nowadays, you seem, a little brighter…” Kenma nudges Kuroo, and Kuroo playfully does it back. He’s a dead man by tonight, once Yaku gets his hand on a shovel.

It gets extremely quiet, everyone expecting Yaku to answer. At some point, he notices Lev looking intensely at him for a second. It isn’t hard to notice how his entire body tensed the moment Kuroo asked that question. Yaku finds reason for him, he wouldn’t like hearing about his upperclassman’s love life either if they were to keep him hanging for 5 years instead of just simply rejecting his confession. He would even go as far to wish him a bad love life.

“It’s nonexistent.” Yaku says bluntly, earning a cackle from Kai and Kuroo. He sees Lev relax a little, and it makes him feel good. “Yaku-san…” he turns to Shibayama, desperately trying to ignore the 6’5” guy between them, “what’s up?” Yuuki opens his mouth, then closes it again. He looks over to Inuoka who just gives him a shrug. He turns back to Yaku, a bit more flustered than before. “Are you aware of that rumour?” Lev flinches a little, and Yaku tilts his head. “Which one?” Yuuki scratches the back of his neck, “well, the one where you’re rumoured to be dating the Balenciaga model?” Yaku widens his eyes for a split second, trying to recall who. He could see Kuroo stifling in a laughter, and the eager eyes of Yuuki and Inuoka hungry for information.

“Oh.” He remembers now. She was a friend of his older sister, and he was roped into going to an amusement park with her because she couldn’t come. It wasn’t exactly that awkward, and they ended up becoming good friends. “Nope, just a friend,” and Kuroo could be seen laughing as he bangs on the table and Kenma beside him slapping his shoulder. “ ‘Just a friend’ okay okay…that’s what they all say…” Yaku looks at Kuroo in a you-better-shut-up-now way, and Kuroo replies back with a nuh-uh. Yaku melts back into his seat, “anyway, enough about me. That’s all I’ll tell you guys, and don’t go spreading shit that’s not true.” He accidentally makes eye contact with Yuuki who nervously nods. He internally face-palms for the chaos he’s created.

The conversation switches to Kai’s fiancé which Yaku has to hear for the second time this night, so he just zones out. There’s no need to be nervous. Lev’s feelings are long gone, he knows that, it’s just that, his feelings are still in there. He gets a soft nudge, and he looks up to see Lev looking at him and wow, his eyes are beautiful. “You don’t look so good, do you want water?” he whispers to Yaku, and the poor libero gets all flustered and starts to stammer. “U- uh n..yeah, sure.” Lev nods and grabs the water bottle from all across the table in subtlety, suddenly stopping whatever he’s doing. “..I…don’t mean that you don’t look good, you do, it’s just that you look out of it an-” Yaku turns to him, “sorry? What did you say?” Lev’s neck turns red, and Yaku thinks he’s at his limit. “N- nothing. Here you go.”

Yaku shamelessly just looks at Lev the entire time he pours water into his once-wine-filled cup. When the model realizes that Yaku was not picking up his glass, he does it for him. He whispers to him again, and Yaku thinks he’s going to die, “do you want me to do it for you? Are you sick?” Yaku just groans, and Lev looks embarrassed. “I don’t know. Am I sick? Do I look sick?” He doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. Is this some form of torture from the gods above? Or just from Kuroo?

“Ah no. You look good, wait then hold still,” Lev says it casually like he’s announcing the weather, but Yaku’s entire world turns upside down. His heart hammers in his chest, and he suddenly starts to remember his graduation day. He wishes he could’ve just accepted it back then. He didn’t plan on ever rejecting Lev. He just, thought too hard. The long distance, how it wouldn’t work out, how hard it would be for Lev, how time-consuming it is, how it’s not productive, so many hows. It was like a sudden rush of reality hit him like a truck the moment Lev was done with his confession. He laughs to himself, turns out he’s still not ready for this.

He actually feels sick now because he’s filled with nothing but regret. It’s even worse when Lev tilts up his chin to pour the glass of water down his throat, and slams the glass back onto the table, startling everyone. “I hope I didn’t choke you to death,” he chuckles a little, and Yaku just feels weak. He is so done. In fact, you DID choke me to death. You big pretty dumbass. He’s about to die when he makes eye contact with a deviously smiling Kuroo, and he realizes that he can’t die yet because he needs to kill Kuroo first.

“Say…Lev, what about you?” Lev looks up from his thighs, jumping a bit at Kuroo’s voice. “Y..yes?” Yuuki and Inuoka gasps audibly, and Kuroo smirks widely at him. “Oh, really now? You do have a love life?” Yaku freezes. He doesn’t want to hear it. It should be normal. Everyone thinks he’s over it, and that Lev is over him. Well, the latter is probably true. “Oh…” Lev’s voice is still, quiet and soothing to Yaku. He could listen to it and fall asleep on his chair, but he wouldn’t even listen to Lev brag about his love life in his sleep. Lev backs away from the table and leans into his seat, “well, I guess I do? It’s sort of miserable though.” Yamamoto starts wheezing at him, and Kuroo advises Lev to ask him for tips and tricks, and Kenma tells Lev to do otherwise.

Yaku feels his stomach drop. There’s another person Lev loves dearly, and it’s not him. Kuroo fishes him for more information, and Lev says it anyway. Yaku hates all of this. He wants to run away to a court where he can just practice, receive and forget about everything else. But he can’t. He can’t because the court reminds him of Lev playing middle blocker and how he always had to receive the ones he missed, his own home back in Nerima reminds him of Lev because he used to come over to study, but they were all just excuses.

“I’ve liked them for a long time now, I don’t think I’ll ever get over them,” Lev says with a desperate attempt to smile. Yaku’s going to be sick after this. Kuroo places his chin onto his palm with his elbow on the table, “what got you so into them? I wasn’t expecting this to be serious, honestly, not aft-” Kenma steps on his foot under the table, and Kuroo surprisingly shuts up. Lev looks down at his table, avoiding everyone’s eye contact with his neck beet red. Yaku’s jealous. Extremely jealous. “It’s just that, I see them everywhere, y’know? They’re pretty popular, and every year I see them, they just get…more attractive?” Yuuki frowns at him, and Kai finally turns his attention back to their grave conversation.

“Every year? How long have you liked this person?” Lev suddenly flinches at the question, Kuroo looks like he’s just realized something, and Kenma pinches his arm before he could speak. Inuoka and Yamamoto are whispering about something, and Yaku could be just seeing things, but they’re giving him more frequent eye contacts. He sees Lev’s adam’s apple bop in his throat, and he thinks it’s damn attractive and holy shit, maybe my high school crush isn’t just a high school crush. “I…4 years…?” Everyone looks shocked, and Kuroo’s face stops having that hint of smirk and teasing. Kenma furrows his eyebrows, still pinching Kuroo in case he lets anything slip out. Yaku thinks about it. 4 years. He graduated 5 years ago. Oh. It’s not him.

He knows Lev isn’t talking about him since the start, but it still hurts. And what hurts even more is how Lev managed to move on after a literal year, and Yaku’s still here mourning over his ‘regrets’. Maybe 18-year-old him was right, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. He can’t stand it. He’s badly wanted to get rid of this lump of guilt stuck in this throat every time he sees Lev, but now that he knows Lev has been loving someone else the entire time, he feels betrayed. Sick.

The conversation’s still going on, just quieter and more cautious. Yaku hears it all. “…Are you never going to tell them?” “Are you sure it’s unrequited?” and the most popular one being, “what happened?” Truthfully, Yaku wants to know as well. Who in their right minds would reject Haiba Lev knowing how beautiful he is, inside out? Lev starts to stutter and laugh it off, occasionally throwing glances at Yaku. Actually, almost everyone’s been looking at Yaku. He bites his underlips. Everyone thinks he’s fucking pathetic. Lev’s hands start to flap around everywhere, he does it when he’s nervous, and Yaku knows and remembers that for a very pathetic reason.

Lev eventually closes it off with a ‘I’d rather not talk about this’ and everyone seems to understand. Yaku doesn’t. Lev gets a little too nervous and his enormous (yet gorgeous) hand knocks over the glass of wine sitting between him and Yaku, and in a splash, Yaku gets it all over his pants. Lev looks at him with a face that makes Yaku squirm because he never wants to put that face on Lev. He hears apologies that Lev throws out left and right, but he just pushes him away, saying it was fine. “It’s fine, I’ll dry it myself…” He looks at everyone who’s looking at him with concerned (more like pitiful) eyes and scoffs at them, very audibly. “Excuse me.” He leaves the table just like that. He hears Kuroo say, “I think Yakkun’s a bit drunk,” and everything fades away.

                                                                                                        ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

Yaku washes his face off with sparkling cold water, and he thinks he feels better. He slides down with his back against the sink counter, all the way the ground with his knees against his chest. He could walk into anyone right now, maybe he’ll end up face to face with whoever’s in the stall in front of him, if there is somewhere. His mind is clear, but his heart is frustrated. He thinks about it and laughs to himself. Everything that this man has done to me, and he hasn’t even said sorry.

He wishes that he could at least go back in time and reject him properly, but he wouldn’t have done that even if he goes back in time with all this knowledge. Because he loves Lev Haiba. He doesn’t cry. He was born with a strong heart through and through, and he definitely does not give up easily but damn it hurts. He could feel a damp about to break, but he’d rather not let someone like Bokuto walk in on him crying. He’s good.

He thinks back about today. Kuroo promised him that it would be his last time, but he’s bummed out about it. He wants to see Lev more. He’s not trying to disrespect himself, but Lev looks good, and he likes looking at pretty things that look even prettier up close. If he has to be honest, it isn’t just his face. Lev got gentler and more like a man, which is honestly not surprisingly considering it’s been 5 years, but this new upbeat yet mature personality of his matches Yaku’s type even more. He thinks he’s going to actually die. Undeniably.

“Uggh…my head hurts,” maybe his emotional state has to do with his excessive drinking as well.

“Yeah, everyone could tell.” A voice from the entrance of the bathroom causes Yaku to flinch, looking everywhere around him. His face scrunches up once he sees Lev coming into view. “Wow, Yaku-san, you look really happy to see me.” He says with a sigh and washes his hand on the sink directly beside Yaku. “Ecstatic,” Yaku corrects him.

He looks up at Lev to see him smiling and whistling at himself in the mirror. Definitely the goofball I fell for. Yet again, he’s got no one to blame but himself. They make eye contact, and Lev’s smile suddenly comes to a stop, and his entire face turns red. He stops in his current position without any water running, and looks at himself in the mirror again like he’s come to a decision.

Apparently, he has because the first thing he does after using the hand dryer is to kick down all the toilet stalls, and once every stall was clear, he proceeds to lock the bathroom door, and Yaku thinks he’s getting murdered. “If I’m getting murdered here, can I at least call my brothers or tell Kuroo a really offensive joke?” Lev raises an eyebrow at him, then smiles with his dimples, and Yaku is really whipped.

“Sorry, I just wanted to have a uh conversation. Just the two of us.” Yaku holds in his breath, but it’s no use. Lev would most likely resurrect him just to get his answer. “Go on.” Yaku knows he’s not the best at keeping secrets, or maybe people these days are too smart because how come even Bokuto found out about his crush on Lev when he’s only seen them twice or thrice during training camps? He knows the culprit is about to find out anytime soon either.

He stands up from the contaminated bathroom floor and gets up to sit on the counter, moving his legs to prevent any Lev from getting close. A Lev Haiba does get close anyway, and Yaku’s heart almost jumps out because he suddenly gets a little too close and it almost seems like they were in the perfect position and height for a kiss and oh my god. “Uh, uhm so…” Lev awkwardly backs away. Am I that obvious?  

Lev circles his leg around the bathroom floor, and Yaku can’t tell if he’s constipated with words or the actual deed. “Hey, spit it out, please?” He adds a please in case he comes off as impatient because he is extremely impatient.

(That’s a lie. He wouldn’t have helped Lev study or practice receives or loved him if he was impatient with him.)

“Yeah, so, about the conversation earlier,” Lev’s looking at him with those puppy eyes and damn him because it’s so unfair, and Yaku thinks he’s going to end up chopping Kuroo into pieces and make stew after this. Yaku just hums in response. “…Did it make you uncomfortable?” Yaku tenses up. Even Lev could tell he didn’t like the topic. Yaku hates himself for this, but he nods anyway, and Lev looks extremely hurt and he wants to say he’s sorry, but he’s not because he’s been feeling this way for 5 years already, and he’s tired of it.

“Then why didn’t you just tell me that before?” Yaku looks up directly at Lev, and –for the first time— he sees his own pain in Lev’s eyes. Yaku shifts in discomfort around the counter, “what are you talking about?” He gulps down. He never does that, even with his strongest opponents. “Yaku, I know you know what you were supposed to do. You told me that yourself. Was it pity?” Yaku flinches at the sudden drop of honorifics, but he doesn’t reply. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking abou-”

“Did you pity me? Is that why you didn’t reject me directly?” Lev’s voice comes out shaky and weak with a lot of emotions held back. Yaku sits there, still avoiding eye contact. Lev just stands there with his arms crossed, and Yaku cannot believe he’s about to confess his undying love to Lev in the bathroom of Kuroo’s party. “..Can I ask you something first then?” Yaku’s voice is even worse than he expected it to be. It’s so obvious to anyone that he’s about to break down. Lev looks at him frustrated, and Yaku’s afraid for the first time. “But I literally- I… Fine. Yes, you can.” He’s shockingly sassy, and if Yaku isn’t being confronted about his feelings right now, he would’ve found it cute.

Yaku lets out a long exhale, “do you regret asking me out?” Lev raises an eyebrow at him, slightly annoyed by the question. “What? No, of course not.” It’s very direct and aggressive, but Yaku feels his heart cool down for the first time after being on survival mode for 5 years. He grins at Lev, the guy who’s held his heart captive for 5 whole years. He opens his mouth, but then he shuts it again. No way, he couldn’t just confess to Lev directly, he has another person he loves now. Ouch. He quietly sits there, shifting in his seat, and Lev looks so done.

“Yaku-san, how old am I?”

Yaku’s forehead creases at the question. Is he trying to test just how down bad I am? Well, there’s no point in denying things.

“21.” He says it confidently, a bit too confident, and he sees a hint of blush on Lev, but it quickly disappears.

“Do you know I’m a model now?” Yaku leans onto the corner of the wall, still sitting on the counter and simply nods. “Of course, I do.”

Lev still looks like he’s in denial about something, and Yaku doesn’t like that look on his face—which is a lie, he likes his face in general.

“Why’d you think I came here tonight?” Yaku scoffs at him, “how am I supposed to know that? Because Kuroo’s a scary persuader?” The corners of Lev’s lips almost twitch upwards, and Yaku’s starting to like the hang of this. “No, try again.” His playful tone is back; Yaku feels a thousand butterflies fly out of his chest. So damn cute. “Lev, I don’t see why you’re trying to play a guessing game with me in Kuroo’s party bathroom right now.” Lev smiles giddily back, like he’s been holding it in for a while. Yaku clutches onto his shirt, he’s going to die because he wants to kiss his face so bad, and oh god 18-year-old Morisuke is back.

“I really can’t stay angry with you, I swear, Yaku-san, you’re too adorable…” Lev says it under his breath, very casually. On the other hand, it wasn’t very casual for Yaku because he’s internally panicking in his head, not knowing what to feel, like he’s the main character of the inside-out movie. “w…What DID you just call me?!” Yaku suddenly backs away from Lev until his back clashes with the mirror behind him. Right, they’re in a bathroom. He knows he’s so red, and oh he’s so so dead. Lev used to tease him like this back then too, but he cannot be doing this when he just confessed his undying love to another person that’s not Yaku just minutes ago.

“Lev. You- you can’t just say that.” Yaku’s voice is cracking, and wow he accidentally looks behind him, and all he sees is a raw tomato in the mirror. Lev smiles weakly at him, “it’s your reactions that got me thinking I had a chance in the first place,” then he proceeds to whistle at him. He’s definitely a little drunk as well. Yaku whispers this one, “why are you doing this to me when you’ve got someone else you like?” and Lev stops laughing. He gets all serious, and confused. “What?”

Yaku pouts at him, and he’s so dead because no way he pouted at Haiba Lev, but Lev seems okay with it because he’s still looking at him, a little wide-eyed and red, but it’s okay. “Go do this to the person you like, idiot.” He hasn’t insulted Lev in 5 years, God that felt good. Lev tilts his head, “I am, though? I’m sort of feeling stupid right now though, Yaku-san, because it turns out I don’t enjoy mixed signals like 15-year-old me used to.” Yaku turns his head to Lev as quick as possible and squeaks out, “what? No, you’re not!” louder than he expected.

Lev’s face changes into another constipated expression, “why are you gaslighting me right now? Is it that scary to accept the fact that I love you?” Yaku just sits there, and he hiccups and he sees Lev’s expression softening and for once, he thinks it’s because of him. Love. He said love. He remembers what Lev wrote in the letter.

‘I like you, but I think I might be in love with you as well.’

Has that changed? What? When? Then, Yaku’s head starts to clear, and he suddenly becomes calm and composed again, leaving the poor Russian dumbstruck. “Didn’t you say you’ve got a crush on someone for 4 years? It’s been 5 years since I graduated-” Lev looks at him like he’s looking at Kuroo gush about Kenma, and that’s not a pleasant expression. “Yaku-san…” Yaku hums back. Lev looks at him with a flustered face, and Yaku’s starting to think that this boy might like him.

“I…just blurted it out. I didn’t count at all.” Yaku just stares at him, and Lev does the same, for a long time. “O…oh.”

Yaku sits on the counter, looking around and listening to the silence, and Lev does it too. To summarize this situation perfectly, the word would be emotional fatigue. “…So do you like me?” Yaku asks to ‘clear the air’ but all he gets is a glare from Lev. “I thought I made that very clear.” Yaku nods back and exhales from his mouth. He’s sort of happy. He thinks he wants to smile, really wide, but he’s not sure yet. “That’s good, yeah? Me too.” Lev rapidly turns to him with his mouth agape, and Yaku starts to laugh. Carefully, however, he doesn’t want to fall from the sink counter. He’s amazed at how strong this material is to support a 140 lbs man. Once he alternates his attention back to Lev, the poor guy was still standing there, not knowing what to even say.

“I…should apologize, right?” Yaku says awkwardly, “sorry. I know it’s not right, but I was thinking about a lot of things back then. We had…very different career paths and futures, you know? To start off with, we’re not even in the same year, and then there was the gender issue. It- it was just a lot of think about. I. No. By the next month, I know I promised three months, but I thought maybe you got over me because we’ll rarely meet, and people lose feelings when they don’t get to see each other much, yeah? Well, that’s stupid now because I’m still in love with you, and this is the second time I’ve seen you in real life after 5 years, but-”

Yaku stops once he hears a sniffle. He looks up at Lev and damn were those pretty eyes red. His entire face is red, and he looks pretty damn hurt, and it’s all Yaku’s fault. “Hey…Lev?” He finally hops down the counter and walks closer to Lev, just for the guy to back away. He’s rarely seen Lev cry, mainly because he made sure to keep the kid happy, and now it’s his fault that the poor boy is crying in the softest, quietest voice ever. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten closer to Lev because the moment he saw his crying face is when his own dam broke out. Surprisingly, Lev stops crying the moment Yaku begins to, so it does get awkward from there, but he brings Yaku into a warm hug, so it gets better from there. Yaku could feel his heartbeat, and he feels safe and fulfilled after 5 whole years, not that he wasn’t content with his life during these 5 years, but he hated living with the guilt that he finally got to relieve today.

Lev pats Yaku’s back as the libero moves deeper into the hug, “you know, Yaku-san, I was hoping for an answer even after you ghosted me,” Lev’s voice is shaking, but Yaku nods and listens attentively anyway. “Many people told me I had a chance, so I believed them, and when I met you at that party 3 years ago, I thought I would finally get my answer. I was just that. desperate…? So you can’t just come to me telling me that you’ve been in love with me the whole time, and that we were both in hell for nothing, okay?” Yaku’s laugh gets muffled under Lev’s coat, and Lev chuckles at him, and wow Yaku thinks that Lev is seriously so adorable and beautiful.

Yaku pulls away from the hug, and tip-toes to get closer to Lev’s face. “You know, you said in that letter that you think you’re in love with me, but I was pretty aware, even back then, that I was so damn in love with you,” Lev’s flushed face spreads into a wider smile and Yaku kisses all over it.

                                                                                                        ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

Bonus

“What was taking you guys so long? Bokuto said one of his broz was dying to pee, but he heard a soap opera going on in there,” Kuroo says with a yawn, hugging a sleeping kenma beside him closer.

“…Sorry,” Yaku says with his serious voice, making sure Kuroo doesn’t know that he’s just been kissed in many different ways all over in his bathroom. Unlucky for him, his new boyfriend likes to smile a lot, and he happens to be grinning happily at Kuroo.

And Kuroo, like the smartass he is, takes the hint immediately.

“Okay, yuck, but congrats. Guess Kenma’s plan did work…”

Yaku raises an eyebrow. “His what now?”

“YOO CONGRATS, LEV!!” Inouka shouts from under the table (don’t even ask) and Yuuki suddenly wakes up from his long slumber to give 3 claps and a smile, and goes back to sleep on the table again. Kai, possibly the only sober one, grins at the two. “I’m glad you guys got it sorted out.” Yaku looks away, embarrassed that all of his friends have been waiting for this moment.

…

“Kai, why is my phone blowing up?”

Kai smiles at Yaku all smug, “I told our class about it.”

“You what?”

“Hey come on! We were all looking forward to it.”

And Yaku goes straight outside to look for a shovel to kill both Kai and Kuroo.